07:08 pm:

I GOTTA NEW LJ... HOOCHYMAMMA5577

06:02 pm: .:. *SiTtInG hOmE aLl AlOnE* .:.
*!~Hey... today i went to work with my grandma for some money. lol! it was fun tho. overall this break was fun but then again really fuckin gay! the times i was all alone...  School tomorrow! YAY! i am actually happy to go to school for once because i am so sick of being home. and i wanna talk to some people about sum stuff. if i dont talk to you dont worry about what i am gonna say! ...i have to get this out... if anyone has anything to say about me giving up on brenden or i should try to move on..dont fuckin say anything to me because  i dont care to hear it. i cant give up or move on from the one person i truely love. i really dont care if you dont approve of it, cuz i didnt ask u ur oppinion and i dont think i have to ask for permission to love somebody. so if you gotta say some stupid shit about me likeing, well loveing, Brenden dont cuz i cant help who i love and i dont wanna put up with your bullshit!.......ppl know who i am talking about!*  well, i really am just in my own lil world lately cuz theres few ppl to turn too. i know i can trust like 4 people now, but the others are just changing or we've drifted apart. kailey thank you so much for being here for me.... it means soo much. you dont even know! i am sooooooo happy we are starting to hang out again cuz i loved the me n you last yr and over the summer* katie i love you to death. our friendship means the world to me and i hope we can hang out sumtime soon. its awesum to see u actually happy!( good job jay..lol )* Brenden♥ i cant even write the feelings i have  for you on here because words cant explain. you know what i feel for you and how much! James- thank you for being there for someone to talk to . i havent even really met you in person and i already love you! gosh... its nice to know i can actually trust another guy! i hope we become really good friends. i know i can tell you stuff and not have to worry about anything. thanks! if i forgot you..im sorry, but i will put you in a different update! well ......... i really dont have anything else to say so im out...later... much love♥ muah!*~!*

06:00 pm:

~rpgiggles01~

LJ friendsCollage.

Brought to you by pratibha75 and teemus.

01:35 pm:

Hey*... well thursday was kinda hard! if you know what i am talking about. if you dont know im sorry! The dance was actually kinda fun, overall. i actually got to meet katies and klas men! Jay and Brandon are awesome! Brandon is kinda quiet tho... atleast what i kinda saw of him. Jay is awesome! i couldnt be happier for you guys...glad u found the ones u love and actually love you back! Friday i stayed at kaileys. which was a blast! Saturday night we came back to my dads house cuz they were gone. it was funn! Then now its sunday! i got a paper from the court about my license issue. well i have to pay $100 in 14days and they will drop it! YES! now i can actually get my license when im 16. lol. Tomorrow im going to work with my grandma for some money! anyways, i guess i will update later cuz i am outta things to write about right now! much love♥

12:26 pm: Hey... wats up?¿? notta lot here just sitting in the computer lab for mr.smiths class....boring. well tonight me and kailey are hanging out which is kinda nice since we havent in like forever. this time we are NOT going streaking! lol. good times! we might go to the wrestling meet then to the talent show..and of course were goin to the dance...hell yah! fun fun! well the bells about to ring so i will update later! all i gotta say is ... I LOVE BRENDEN SOOOOOOOO MUCH~! ♥ Later bitches....

05:11 pm:

1. Am I cute?
2. Am I hot?
3. Am I sweet?
4. Am I crazy?
5. Am I lovable?
6. Am I funny?
7. Am I annoying?
8. Am I psycho?
9. Am I daring?
10. Am I a good person?

Would You...
11. Hug me?
12. Miss me if I was gone?
13. Listen to my problems?
14. Hug me if I cried?
15. Be a good friend?
16. Ever go out with me?
17. If you already have would you do it again?
18. Kiss me?
19. Marry me if you could?
20. Ever talk bad about me if we ever broke up?

How Well Do You Know Me?
21. When's my birthday?
22. How old am I?
23. What school do I go to?
24. Do I have any siblings (& their names)?
25. Who is my most current ex?
26. Who is my best friend?
27. Who am I crushing on/dating?
28. Favorite animal?
29. Favorite sport?
30. Favorite TV show?
31. Favorite song/songs?
32. Favorite music group?

Who Am I?
33. What T.V. star do I most remind you of?
34. What song would you dedicate to me?
35. What famous person do I most resemble?
 

If You Could...
36. Give me a new name, what would it be and why?
37. Hook me up with someone (real), who would it be and why?
38. Do one thing with me what would it be and why?
39. Drop me one piece of advice, what would it be?

Few More Questions
40. What do you love about me?
41. What do you hate about me?
42. What is my best quality?
43. If you could change one thing about me what would it be?
44. What is your honest opinion of me?
45. Do you love me?
46: Will you put this in your journal to see what I say about you?

 Fill this out for me!!
-Do you Love me?
-Do you think Im hott?
-Best part of my body?
-Worst part of my body?
-Whats our relationship?
-Do you want more of a relationship?
-Can I put a smile on your face?

Describe my personality?
-Do I put up with peoples shit?
-Would you stick up for me?
-Have we fought?
-What about?
-First impression of me?
-Still think that?
-My best quality?
-My worse quality?
-Am I easy to get along with?
-Am I fun to talk to?
-Do I bored you?
-Is there things I need to change?
-What are they?
-If I cried would you?
-Have we done anything sexual?
-Do you want to?

08:17 pm: *~!WhAt EvEr!~*

Well... Valentines Day fuckin sucked! it was like the worst day ever* i was all alone, but whats new?* well my life is really confussing right now! People keep talking shit and its pissing me off! if ya got something to say about me say it to my fuckin face! damn! well ya: i was talking to my gurl and she told me sam was talking about me behind my back and everything. well i asked sam about it and she frikkin just blew up and walked away, which is bullshit! then on top of that she calls me down to the office for this. ok- if you wanna solve something dont bring it to the office cuz that just makes things worse! I am just gonna let it go cuz its not a big deal, but sam if you are a true friend you will realize that you are hurting people by just ignoring them. ( you know what i mean by that) and im not saying im not ur friend, but a friendship takes two ways and i feel you are not being the other half! but thats just what i feel about that... well today overall was just grr! just another shitty day, like usual. i dunno. Depressed lately i could say! family is a crock of shit! i fuckin hate it!  ..... i hope i can go to the dance thursday, because i just needa hang out with my gurls and just get away from home! prolly hanging with kailey after the dance...we havent hung out in like forever! kailey i miss you! hehe. getting a cell phone pretty soon..like next week hopefully! if i for real do i will let you peeps know the number!..well if ur that important! - katie i am sooo happy for you and jay! you are soo much happier when you are with him.  i am soo happy for you too kla! hopefully Brandon is the right one and you guys are together for a long time. you honestly come off as happier with your boy too! which is soo great! now why cant i be as happy as you guys and be with the one i truely love????? hopefully it will happen sooooooon cuz thats all i want and need in my life right now. when i am with ♥Brenden♥ i am soo happy! i feel on top of the world. i love Brenden sooooo much! and who ever has a problem with that, if anybody does, they can kiss my ass* cuz i didnt ask for your approval! so.... Brenden, "I Love You!"

♥Later Bitches....

( katie i hate you for getting me stuck on that, lol )

03:32 pm:

Hey*  well friday was funn! julie road the bus home with me than later on that night we went to the lock in. which was kinda funn! me julie lc and kai all hung out with Bryon from Greenstick fracture* it was fun! we just hung out! it turned out to be ok!......we  went back to kaileys house at 6am. and crashed. ZzZzZzZzZzZz..... lol! Saturday i hung out with my brother! it was tight! we went to burger king and got some fries ( julie you know why ) lol* it was soooooo funny!*  well i dunno wat im doing for Valentines Day cuz yah! i hope im with a certain someone!* but as far as i know im all ALONE! *tears* but who knows. well today is soo boring! im just at my brothers friends down the road.... lol! i miss u Brenden! i love you soo frikkin much! hopefully kevin wasnt lying to me! but im outie for now! update tomorrow or tuesday cuz i am bored right now!

Later Bitches*

** "I Love you," Brenden **

always and forever no matter what! you mean the world to me!<3

 

09:18 am: Well im at school right now in the computer lab! last night was soooo f'in fun!! I hung out w/Brenden*.
I ♥ him sooo much! well we were driving towards my dads kinda and we decided to stop at julies cuz she was the only one home and i wanted to mess with her and scare the crap outta her. well brenden left julies for a few min and went and got kevin. then we were all at julies house! NO details! julie you know! lol... well tonight better turn out to be fun! im hanging with julie* yay! well we are prolly going to the "lock-in" (some ppl know what i mean by that)well yah hopefully we can pull that off because i just wanna hang with a certain someone! ♥* but i will update later so i gotta go cuz mr. smith is over here! and i dont wanna get yelled at! lol* much love* leave me some love!!!!!!!!!♥
Melanie*


LATER BITCHES*

07:02 pm:

hey* whats up ppl? notta lot here. sorry i havent updated in a couple days! well sunday was gay as hell! my dad wouldnt let me go to julie's even though he said i could go somewhere! but we got into a fight about it and all hell broke loose! and of course he accused me of awhole bunch of BS. then my step mom flipped out on me for like the first time ever. it was actually kinda funny* lol*

yeah then monday i found out one of my friends was talking about me behind my back. i confronted her about it then she lied to my face. and i caught her and she got pissed and walked away!-which i guess were ok now but if she talks behind my back again and i find out... our friendship is done. because if she was a friend she wouldnt be doing that. so sam if you got anything else to say you can say it to my face*

 well later on that  night i left and went and hung out with a very special person* that means alot to me* it was fun. that put me in a good mood! hehe! i am so happy around him* i would say his name even tho you prolly know who he is, but ppl go and say my whole live journal is about him. oh well if it is! cant help the feelings i have for BRENDEN* i love him soooooo much* 

anyways, i love you katie* hehe *a memory lasts forever and never will it die. true friends stay together and never say good bye* our friendship means so much to me! thanx for always being here for me as i will ALWAYS be here for u*

well i hope this weekend will work out ok! lol*- if you know what im talking about.... cant wait! it better happenin...lol...well, hope! haha! lol!

well i just gotta put this in there because i honestly do:

*!~"I Love Brenden no matter what"~!*

!*who ever has a problem with that, oh well, bcuz i cant help who i love*!

Much love bitches*( katie i hate u for getting me stuck on that word. kiddin. you know i love you*hehe* )

08:22 pm:
Vodka


?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla



this is the best ever!!! lol* go me!*

01:30 pm:

               what's up??

notta lot here! well i have been having fun, kinda* i made a new friend, justin.  hes seems cool. which is kinda awesome. lol!* i really miss Brenden so much* i really wanna be back w/ him but thats his choice. Brenden, I LOVE YOU~!* well yesturday i hung out w/ katie* kailey* and lauren carlson*. it was a blast! we went to the basketball game, and of course Reeths-Puffer kicked Shore's ass! hell yah* then we walked to meijers and got underwear..lol! dont ask* they're cute tho..pink with hearts. lol. they're dead sexy! well katie decided she had to pee so she pee'd on the fence on the way to meijer..watta cracker. Walking to meijers we went streaking! lol . it was fun and crazy!  well then we got picked up and brought kailey and lauren to kaileys. and katie stayed the night!  got home and Brenden called me...wow! that was a surprise. well i called him back obviously! lol but then me and katie just hung out! we listened to music and had a long talk about alot of stuff that pisses us off and what makes us happy. it was a blast! i love her soooooooooooooooooooooooo much! best friends forever! Alexis- i am soooo sorry about bennett! i talked to him and he just got all pissy with me so fuck him! call me cuz i needa talk to u about something! well im out right now so holla*

    *I <3 BrEnDeN* always -n- 4ever!*

07:48 pm: bored as hell*

INSTRUCTIONS
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Mark(**) the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't mark is false.
4. Add your own question at the end.

** ( TERRIBLY )01. I miss somebody right now
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love olives
*04. I like to sleep alot
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses (at times)
07. I love to play video games
08. I've tried marijuana
09. I've watched porn movies
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
**12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
**15. I curse frequently
**16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year...
**17. I have a hobby
18. I've been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
*20. I'm really, really smart
21. I've never broken someone's bones
**22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
**24. I'm paranoid at times
**25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe and free of cost.
**26. I need money right now!
27. I love Sushi
* ( sometimes )28. I talk really, really fast
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
*30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
**32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
**34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
** ( katie ..bday is the same day. <3 ya kt )35. I have a twin
**36. I have worn fake hair/nails/eyelashes in the past
**37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
** ( even if ppl dont like it )38. I like the way that I look a lot of the time
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to do cornrows
**41. I am usually pessimistic
**42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
** ( which i totally regret w/all my <3 )45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
**46. I have a hidden talent
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
*48. I think that I'm relatively popular
**49. I am currently single
** ( my mommy )50. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
**51. I enjoy talking on the phone
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants (i have phases)
**53. I love to shop
* ( sometimes )54. I would rather shop than eat
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
**56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
**57. I'm obsessed with my Livejournal
58. I don't hate anyone
**59. I'm a pretty good dancer
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
*( not really but sometimes..watch out )61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
*( gettin one )62. I have a cell phone
**63. I believe in God
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
**65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
66. I love drama
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
**68. I've rejected someone before
69. I have never been to a big concert
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
**71. I want to have children in the future
**72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I've called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
**76. I'm not allergic to anything
**77. I have a lot to learn
**78. I have dated someone at least 7 years older or younger
**79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie
**80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message (more than i'd like)
**82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
**83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before
**84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past
85. I own the "South Park" movie
**86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Livejournal
**87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or friend
**88. I enjoy some country music
**89. I would die for my best friends
**90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
**91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist (at a few very specific things)
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story"
**96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
**97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
**98. I have dated a close friend's ex
* ( kinda..stressin a lil )99. I'm happy as of this moment
**100. I need to get laid
101. Communism is your friend
102. I think school is evil.
103. I talk about my friends behind their backs sometimes (not necessarily negatively)
104. I think Orlando Bloom is really, really hot!
105. I think Anya is crazy
106. I have danced naked in front of the mirror.
**107. I'm in the mood for some ice cream
**108. I have forgiven the unforgiven.
109. I´m obssessed with Japan
**110. I've cut myself
111. I have been forcibly restrained from fighting an authority figure
**112. I've been called a bitch lots of times
113. I live for tomorow
**114. I live for today
115. I love hippies.
**116. I crave adventure.
**117. I wish i could live in the world of Harry Potter
118. I'm afraid of flying
***119. I think I'm falling/fallen in love
**120. I am pissed at someone as of this moment
**121. I love to party
*122. Mass religion is an opiate for society
123. I love "Sex and the City"

 

04:12 pm: idk

I am really confussed right now!  should i just give up on Brenden? *honestly*  i was just talking to randy and he told me not to plan on gettin back with Brenden. and awhole bunch of bullshit! i really dont know if i should believe randy, because the things Brenden has said to me but i dk! i would do anything for Brenden, but i guess I'M not worth it! ( like he said i was ) but i just gotta deal with it i guess. if he wants to be back with me he needs to let me know, and if he doesnt i needa know because i dont wanna get hurt even more* i just wanna cry so hard right now! i cant take it! obviously he dont like me, like he said he does.!? I will wait for him as long as i have to because hes worth it to me........ Brenden, I Love You So Much! u mean the world to me no matter what happens! words cant explain!

                *Should i give up???*

well i gotta go..sorry if this is confussing! i am confussed right now and dont exactly know what to feel* tons of tears*

 

04:17 pm: hey*  wow! i just wanna fuckin die* i hate my life! im soo sick of goin through the crap im in. i feel i dont deserve anything. i dont get why i deserve chances with Brenden because i fucked up b4. i love this guy to death,but why me? isnt there someone out there that wont hurt him like i did b4? theres someone better out there for him, rather than me. why do i have the friends i do? i mean i fucked up there too.  i lost a friendship with a guy, pretty mucy, because i wouldnt go out with him.  i seem to fuck up everything. i dont deserve to live this life. why should i live a life where i am always depressed and just wanna die anyways? its not worth it! ( just like me ). i just dk. i seriously just wanna put a fuckin gun to my head and pull the trigger. or just slit my wrists and watch the blood run down my arm until im dead. or just put a knife to my chest, and  sit there in misery until i die. then i would know what ive done to others...

06:22 pm: .:. WhAt EvErS oN mY mInD.:.

*!~Melanie <3's You~!*

                                            *Especially Brenden*

                              *Kci & Jo Jo- All My Life*

I will never find another lover sweeter than you, sweeter than you
I will never find another lover more precious than you, more precious than you 
You are Close to me you're like my mother,
Close to me you're like my father,
Close to me you're like my sister,
Close to me you're like my brother
You are the only one my everything and for you this song I sing

All my life I pray for someone like you
I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life I pray for someone like you
I hope that you feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do, love me too

Said I promised to never fall in love with a stranger,
You're all I'm thinking of I praise the Lord above,

For sending me your love, I cherish every hug,
I REALLY LOVE YOU!!!

All my life, I pray for someone like you,
I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life I pray for someone like you
I hope that you feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do, love me

You're all that I've ever known, your smile on your face, all I see is a glow,
You turned my life around, You picked me up when I was down,
You're all that I've ever known, when you smile your face glows,
You picked me up when I was down
You're all that I've ever known, when you smile your face glows,
You picked me up when I was down & I hope that you feel the same way too,
Yes I pray that you do love me too

All my life, I pray for someone like you,
I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life I pray for someone like you
I hope that you feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do, love me too
All my life I pray for someone like you

*hey, that song means alot to me. it's because of something with someone* he knows who he is and what im talking about* i love you*

*im soooo sorry ! like i know i have been a real bitch to some ppl and i just wanna say sry* like....yah! i have just been very stressed out lately*  and confussed! like everything is just like falling apart, in a way! Me, Julie, and Lauren used to hang out like 24/7 and now we dont* well thats my fault because of what i did to lauren, and i fucked everything up, LIKE ALWAYS!. i know i wont fuck things up again because its too much drama and to much pain! If Brenden and i do get back together, hopefully we will, i wont do anything to loose him again. i dont know what i would do if i did*

*have you ever wanted to kill yourself? do u ever feel like ur not worth anything? do you ever just wanna put a knife to ur chest and push it in as far as it can go? have you ever wanted to slit ur wrists and watch the blood gush out? have you ever wanted to just put a gun to your head and pull the trigger? do u ever feel like life has no meaning and u dont deserve to live? i have! and i have made mistakes in doing some of this. i just want to let ppl know that have thought about this: life IS worth living and everyone has these thoughts once in awhile. like i wanted to just end my life but i didnt* i am sooooo happy i didnt because i woulda never found Brenden* and i cant even think about wanting to kill myself anymore because all those thoughts have gone away since when me and brenden were together, and hopefully will be together soon again, who knows. but if you ever think of doing any of that and feel down about urself please think about it and realize that there are ppl that would miss you and that love u*

"I LOVE BRENDEN!"  no matter what~!*

04:01 pm:

well i finally got the frikkin internet back so i dont have to do this shyt at skool* lol* but yeah the past few days have been ok* yesturday i hung out with brenden* we talked and i finally got out what i needed to ask him. it felt so right being with him. i just dont know what i would do with out him. seriously* he means so much to me.words cant explain! (katie...mhah...lol) today i am at my dads because i hate being at my moms.... things always go wrong at my moms because shes a bitch sometimes. but yah... lately there has been soooo much drama* julie i dont like kevin... hes like a brother to me and im sorry if u feel i do. but if you do feel that way just straight up tell me. i mean i will stop talking to him as much as i do. lauren i never said anything about u saying anything* just to let u know that* well yah..im sry i keep talking about him but i cant help it hes always on my mind.

Brenden, "I Love You!!" so much you dont even know* i hope things turn out to be the best ever with us* i am always here for you and i will always love u*xoxo<3 MuAh* <3oxox

ok* well i really dont know what to do right now! its just kinda boring lately* nothing has really been happening... well there is but ya know* i cant wait til Valentines Day! lol i dont know why because i dont have anyone to be with! but i hope i can be with brenden for valentines day but who knows. i just gotta hope and wish! idk tho..... i am very bored ! it sux! if anyone wants to give me a ringle...7662417, is the digits! much love melanie*

03:58 pm: Put a X between the () if you would...
() go out with me?
() give me your number?
() have sex with me?
() let me kiss you?
() watch a movie with me...even a really sappy one?
() let me take you out to dinner?
() drive me for once cuz I always drive
() take a shower with me?
() be my bf/gf?
() have a fling with me?
() Listen to me if I called you crying even if you were out with all of your friends?
() buy me a drink like a beer or shot?
() take me home for the night?
() Would you let me sleep in your bed?
() Sing to me?
() sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
() re-post this for me to answer your questions?
() Let me give you a piggyback ride?
() Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere
() love me for me

11:19 am: idk......
well..where to start?? Friday night was a blast... besides the fact ppl kept trying to get me to make out with them..but yah over all it was funn! Happy Birthday Luke and Coty* (kinda late but better late than never, luv ya guys*) then saturday, i was home but it was kinda fun. sunday brenden called me witch made my day! i love that kid to death! but yah! im hoping me and him can hang out soon because i miss that and i need to talk to him about some stuff! i finally got my nails done again too* i woulda up dated sooner but were switching to DSL and i dont have internet, thats why i am doing this at fuckin skool*


joe miles is sooooo frikkin grr. lol* hes messin with me! but i will try to do this later, sometime* well yah my lunch is almost over so leave some comments and im sorry this is boring lol* later


*.:. Much love .:.*

04:53 pm: snow days suck ass! but are good at the same time* theres never anything to do and everyone is bored! grr... im not obsessive or anything i just have alot of feelings for him, and if you happen to read this sorry for saying all this but its true!
i am just sitting here thinking if i should give up or not! i dunno. i really honestly "Love" Brenden and i wanna be back with him.when i was with him i learned the true meaning of love. and i know my love for him is true.that may sound funny cuz of what happened in the past,but i really honestly mean it! yeah we've been talking lately and everything, but i just need to know whats gonna happen because if we cant ever be more again, i wanna know so i dont get my hopes up. i know we just started talking again and i cant jump to conclusions and everything. hes like my life. he means soooooo much to me~!* i fucked up with our relationship in the past and i regret that with all my heart. if i could take it back, i would in a heartbeat. the saying is really true: you never know what you have until u loose it. i lost him before and i dont wanna do that again.when i lost him i like was grr. i was hurt so much! i hate myself for doing what i did.****(if u DONT know what i am talking about, im sorry! i really dont wanna let the whole world know)**** it was hard. when i am with him i feel the happiest ever possible. i know i can smile around him because im happy! i guess you'd have to be me to understand the feelings i have for Brenden because words cant explain*i just dunno what to do. i miss him soooooo much and if i do get the chance to be back with him i will NEVER fuck it up or anything. *Brenden if u do happen to read this i do miss you terribly and i love you soo much.* but i am just wondering wat i should do and if anybody has any advice please help me!!!! <3 much love <3 melanie*

01:05 pm: >1. Who is your favtorite actor/actress? adam sandler, julia styles,ashton kutcher*hott*

>2. What is your favorite movie? umm...many

>3. What is your favorite food? pizza

>4. Who is your favorite band/singer? i have many

>5. Who is your girlfriend/boyfriend/crush? Brenden

>6. Who would you love to be trapped in a room with? Brenden

>7. Who would you hate to be trapped in a room with? idk...

>8. Do you think you're pretty? who knows

> 9. Does anybody have a crush on you right now? who cares

>10. What is the farthest you've gone w/ opposite sex? haha* thats not to be said on the internet, bitches.

>11. What school do you go to? reeths-puffer

>12. What grade are you? 9th

>13. How tall are you? idk..about 5'4"

>14. How much do you weigh? 110

>15. What's your color hair? well, now my hair is dark burgundy with blonde highlights

>16. What's your ethnicity? white?

>17. Do you believe in love at first sight? yes, because i did!

>18. Where is your favorite location? in the bed...lol jk! i really dont know . as long as im hangin with my gurls and sometimes brenden im alright!*

>19. Who do you think will respond to this?? who ever wants too*

02:26 pm: WhO kNoWs... WhO cArEs...
wat up ppl? this past weekend was BoRiNg* friday i stayed home and did absolutely nothing because my mom told my dad that i was grounded! (*for bullshit*)well then saturday i went to my uncle's house for his birthday! then sunday... my aunt came over and dyed my hair..we dyed it all dark burgundy then put highlights in it! hehe. now my hair isnt as blonde... so, today we had f*in exams again..there annoying! lol katie-take your shirt off and stay awhile* lol-that was hilarious.wow! everyone else dont ask bcuz its a long story! kla i wish you much love* im soooo sorry parents gotta treat you like that! you dont deserve it!if u need me im here* wow! a lot is getting to me these days* things just pissin me off! i feel like killing myself ! i may not seem like anything is wrong with me but now you know there is! The few things i live for are starting to go away and i hate it! Im loosing the one person i love,at least i feel like it. I pretty much dont really care about wat my parents think. and they treat me like crap and expect me to respect them? bull shit! then im loosing some of my closest friends. (not exactly loosing, but i just have that feeling something bad is gonna happen to where i do*)i just fuck up everything! seriously! i feel like i dont deserve to live. like everyone judges me before they know me. then they dont like me because other people dont! i guess im a bitch!(when someone calls me a bitch im gonna be one. if someone calls me anything im gonna be it!)i just dk what to do anymore i guess~!* but wat ever happens happens* and everything happens for a reason. if anything pushes me to do something bad to myself, i will. everyone tells me that i wont do anything and im just all talk or i would do it for attention? thats bullshit when i have already slit my wrists before.(now that truths out).but yeah! kla i know how exactly how you feel* i just hate being depressed all the time and having my confidence low toward myself! but i cant help the way i feel! i try to keep myself from doing anything,but im just happy i have the TRUE friends i do(you know who you are) and im happy that i got the love i have for Brenden. he means the world to me and i hope i dont ever loose him, as a friend or anything* but leave comments if you feel like it or if you got time~!* later*

02:52 pm: BORED~!*


THIS IS SOOO TRUE*:
*I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am *

YUPPERS~LATER

02:22 am: GRR...
well today is shitty! my mom calls me bitchin' because i havent been there. well why would i wanna go there and get treated like crap? i mean c'mon! they just drive me nuts... i dont think i can go anywhere this weekend but i will do what i can w/out getting bitched at more. i feel like everything is on me. I feel like people make everything i do bad! i just wanna fuckin end my life sometimes. when people treat me like crap and put me in a bad mood then literally do anything they can to piss me off i get very violent then seriously just go crazy... idk i guess. i dont think im worth anything, i mean my confidence is VERY low! im not pretty and i dont get what some ppl see in me seriously*(BTB) i fuck everything up!
theres only like 2 ppl i can trust with my life.(my definition of trust is when you can tell someone everything and not have to hide anything. and when you tell someone NOT to tell someone then they do it-that fuckin looses my trust right off the bat.) Every little thing is gettin to me lately. ever since break i dont care at all what happens to me. i dont care what anybody thinks. i am going back to my "old self" and i dk if that is such a good idea* if you know what my past is like you'd understand.* but i dk.
to my dad everything i do is wrong... hes been accusing me of drinking when i havent been*He thinks im pretty much this big whore.(leaving with guys and all that) he just has an attitude towards me for some reason. its like if i dont something he dont like i cant do it at all even if i like it. its like i have to live up to every one elses standards and i cant live my own life* yeah i understand when parents say dont do this dont do that when its a bad situation, but i wanna be able to learn things for myself. i mean how am i gonna ever be able to live my own life w/out someone making a comment about everything i do? why cant ppl just except me the way i am. i mean my family really dont know me. i cant tell u one person in my whole family i can actually go to with anything, besides my grandma. that may sound cheesy but its true. i love my g-ma. shes sooo kool. My matto now is : "what-ever happens, happens."
if any of ya have any advice holla~!* later

08:11 am: I really dont know wat to do right now! people needa stop saying shit that aint true because its gonna piss me off real bad. yeah guys I'M A BITCH! not! thats wat ppl are sayin and its bullshit! anyways, today was AwEsUm*. Hung out with katie...who else?... lol. talked to the one person i love* hehe* (mhah)